What are we doing?

Remember when I used to write blogs....  I didn’t until a few minutes ago. It’s weird how rapidly we evolve sometimes without notice..... I just read the post I did when I was driving out to Ontario for the first time, pretty funny, pretty young and bubble wrapped, pretty.... fearless! I thought about how I was 21 at the time, I’m 28 now no wonder I hardly recognize the girl from the blog that’s like comparing age 1 and age 8, 11 and 18. Yeah, major growth spurts. Okay I don’t feel as weird now. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way when I read this when I am 35. Gosh, at 21 you really feel you’ll be that forever then you wake up and your 28 and your like.... Oh what? But in a good way. Oh my god I’ve Learned so much. I wouldn’t want to be 21 again would I? No I don’t think I would. Although the innocence of that age is appealing everything is so new to you, you feel like you could do anything, you don’t know what anything is though cause anything is overwhelming so you instead feel guilt about how everyone else seems to be doing everything and you’re doing nothing but what you’re doing is something your just too caught up in 1000 other trivial things to realize life is happening right now.... and you’re doing awesome and nobody knows what they are doing not even Grandma. 28 feels like I’m on the cusp of reliving some of this in a sense, friends settling down and having family’s, weddings and baby showers galore. ‘Everybody is doing everything and I’m doing nothing’ I think for one second and then I stop feeling sorry for myself for things I’m not even seeking and or entertaining at this time, maybe that’s the difference you still don’t know what you’re doing but you know you so it’s not as overwhelming.

I’m happy, I have a wonderful humble life and I honour all the weird decisions I’ve made that have led me here, I have amazing fur companions, I have the best soul connections with my people right now, I have a new record with Wildwood Soul on its way which is in its own strange way both a birth and a commitment. So why do I need to know what I’m doing? Why does anyone? For the sake of small talk? I don’t think so! I don’t think having a plan is as important as having passion.

I had the opportunity to play a really Soul fufilling kind of show last night. Before the night began I wasn’t feeling that nervous but once we started I realized how long it had been since I played a show where people wanted to listen to what I had to say. I haven’t felt that vulnerable in awhile, I’ve been assuming this more aloof role for what reason I do not know!? Going to have to think about that for awhile. Anyways when the 3rd song came along I could feel energy pulsing through my body disguised as jitters. I realized I wasn’t nervous, I was given the space to share what I love with people who cared and this energy I was ungracefully swimming in was the result of everyone’s vibrations being in this perfect harmony of frequencies. It was all making my nerves do cartwheels. In a good way.... Does that make sense? Haha. So mid set I had a bit of a rambling planned but sometimes on stage the things you want to say simply cannot escape your mouth and insist on staying inside your head in this tangled up yarn ball. So you write them down for next time. I was talking about dreams. The importance of identifying passion’s in the people around us. We all have 100’s of interactions in a day. We get to chose wether or not to be present during those. I truly believe the small talk, the mundane back and fourth, that’s what truly drains us. Think about it though, you run into a difficult person..... If you knew what lit their soul on fire and asked them about it, could it turn them around?  I have no idea but... I was feeling extra mopey and anxious last winter probably because it was winter and I was busy and tired and the sun was hiding. Anyways I was on till at work with a big long line up getting meals rung in as fast as I could, smiling as best I could. Generally feeling pretty off the rails and mentally exasperated until one customer aknowleged I was more than a human doing, I was a human being. I did not know this man but he walked up and said ‘Hi Lorissa, how is your music going?’ I felt all the stress leave my body. My perception of the whole situation had shifted. In two minutes it went from omg people :[  to omg people! I didn’t tell him that “Omigosh I’ve been feeling like I’ll never write a song again!’ though that’s how I’d been feeling. I was like omigosh I get to talk about my dream on a shelf! We all feel this. We are out in the world doing one thing and thinking about something else. Dreaming about something else. How boring if we don’t identify what people are dreaming about while they “Don’t know what they’re doing.” 

The exchange inspired me. I went home and wrote an entire song in under an hour about my struggle and the importance of remembering to keep stepping towards what gives us that cartwheeling nervey feeling lol. We have to become aware of what those around us get excited about don’t we? We have to ask them about how thats going whenever we see them. So we all have the opportunity to be real, to be vulnerable, to feel. Talking about our dreams keeps our dreams from being just dreams. Ok talk to you in 7 years. Haha just kidding 

Big Love.